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saidso
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Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
5 yr Member
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Default Feb 19, 2019 at 02:38 PM
 
I like being old. I used to worry about stupid things - my bum is too big, I don't know how to do that, can they see my greying hair, am I good enough, what does that person think? Then some of my friends got sick, and I realised that life is precious. Emotionally I seem to be less scared of being overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed and then cope. Sometimes I wake up terrified but now I accept that as part of who I am.

Also I worked damn hard damn long hours all my life. I expected to do that, and it was interesting work BUT there was such a tension between self-care and doing my job. Early mornings = 7 am start after insomnia - back home 7 pm, will I sleep tonight? Getting enough sleep or taking time off with flu was a nightmare.

Knowing that I only have a few more years releases me from so many silly preoccupations.

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*"Fierce <-> Reality"*

oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human!

remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!
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