Had a bad day at work, 2 of my students were struggling with something and straight away I was finding ways to blame myself, examining everything I did for that little mistake somewhere I must have made. I tell them all the time not to beat themselves up for making mistakes and yet I do that all the time myself, and worse. I went home feeling back in that place, when I was small, thinking I had done something wrong, but never quite being able to understand what it was. Just that I must be bad, wrong, not even human really.

I'm really really sick of this feeling, I feel so cut up inside, and it makes me want to cut myself again outside. It's just intolerable. Even worse is knowing tomorrow I will find another way to drag myself in and cope all over again because letting people at work down would be impossible for me to do. I think coping has become such a habit, almost like an addiction.