Quote:
Originally Posted by lane0824
So my wife is BPD, we have been together for 10 years. I have been through alot. The last 3 years have been really good but last year my biological son got into a car wreck and sustained brain damage (the police said the accident looked intentional) and he had been drinking that night.
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Yes, you have been through a lot.
I found that talking about things here helped though I now am trying to give less details about my family when I post.
I am not sure what exactly is wrong with me but I do have mental health issues and because of it--my husband has been through a lot. You are a good person to stick with your wife and your son through all of this.
Since she has BPD, I am guessing that her anger is an "off and on" thing--maybe she only wants to punish your son when she is "at the end of her rope"? Or is this her consistent position? From my POV, having brain damage and dealing with the police is plenty of "punishment."
If you and your wife can eventually "come together" about how to handle your son--it will make your marriage stronger. In the meantime, keep talking? It sounds like both of your feelings about your son is a major marriage issue.
When I made a serious attempt in 2015, I kept apologizing for the trouble I caused. Everyone said, "It's OK, you don't have to apologize." While it is not OK to self harm, it is important to express understanding even if your son wrecked on purpose. Anyone who does something like that on purpose is in a lot of pain and/or temporarily "insane (this term is a bit harsh but the best my brain can come up with right now)".
I am sorry you and your family went through this...