This would really tick me off for lack of a less PC word.

But at the same time, I can be pretty stubborn and for me- the longer I dont take medication the more ridiculous reasons my brain creates to make it even harder for me to start taking it again. Like- just as an example of how that could work... lets say...At first Ill think I dont need it, that Im doing fine without it. And a couple of daya without it Ill start thinking Im cured. Then a few days later Ill start to think that the doctors are out to get me to force me to take it. Then around that same time Ill start hearing voices telling me that. Then Ill start thinking that the voices have given me the power to fly out windows and see the secrets (hallucinations) that “other people are avouding”. And then Ill start talking aboht all sorts of crazy things that make no sense shaking and hallucinating so badly that I dont know whats real at all and what isnt and my brain feels like its just on fire and I am so so so scared. So confused. And in so much pain.

So really, as my psychosis gets worse- my reasons NOT to take the medication compound and it becomes harder and harder to get me to do it. It becomes more and more terrifying for me too because the worse I get the more people push and the more I feel... trapped and the more agitated I get. And its just very unpleasant and the thought that it could be avoided through covert medication when Im at a place BEFORE things get too out of hand... I dont know. I hate the idea, I hate the thought that just because Im mentally ill I should have to sacrifice my autonomy... but I just dont know.

I would prefer really someone to TALK to me before things get out if hand. But the thing is- I have a hard time trusting people and dont like to burdon anyone so I... let it get worse than it should.

So can I understand covert medication- yes. Do I think it should ever ever ever be considered anything more than the absolute last option- no. Options to include the mentally ill individual in their own treatment should be attempted first and foremost.

I personally think the rule of “danger to self or others” is fair. Beyond that- things become very ethically blurred in my opinion.