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Old 02-23-2019, 04:32 PM  
guilloche
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Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: US
Posts: 2,395
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Default Re: Neurofeedback Therapy

Hi Koru_Kiwi,

Thanks for the hugs. I think I'm doing OK (re: old therapist). In the moment, it was pretty horrifying - it's the only time I've ever left in the middle of a session! But, we clearly weren't on the same page, so even though it's sad, I'm coping. I think it helps to realize that I was probably *never* going to feel safe enough to open with up with her, so she sort of did me a favor. But *yikes* - I definitely wasn't expecting that going in!

I'm still working on the NF. We're still struggling to figure out what will actually work for me. That's frustrating. I just did a session last night... and ugh. Headache, a little nausea, and lots of trouble sleeping. Still feeling a bit wonky today - I had to get up for an appointment, but ended up back in bed for a few hours after that.

My sleep has been terrible this last week, and I'm starting to get really... distracted/forgetful? Like... I started driving out of the grocery store with my parking brake on... I drove through the entire parking lot, a block down the road to a red light, SAW the light on the dashboard that says "brake" (and thought it was telling me that I had my foot on the brake! Argh!), then drove a little bit further before I realized! I'm usually a little distracted, but it's been happening a lot more than normal, and bigger things (like the car, missing part of a work meeting b/c I forgot to check my calendar, left a meatball - just one! - out overnight after cooking!) - so that's frustrating too.

re: The nausea... I'm not entirely sure at this point (re: how long it lasts) - but definitely longer than 30 minutes! Everything's starting to blur together. I did go back and try the original protocol one time (but only for ~12 minutes) and still had problems, no magic there!

Thanks for pointing that out though. My provider said something similar - he's not too worried about me feeling bad right after, but more interested in how I feel the next day, and in particular how I sleep. He said sometimes, right after, you might not feel good because you're brain is tired from having to exert itself, but it's more important to look at the effects on your sleep and how you feel later on...

One interesting thing - in my last call with him, he said that I'm reacting more strongly than he would expect, but also my reactions don't really match what he'd expect to see for the sites we're working on. So, for now, he's assuming my brain is "a little bit different" - but if that continues, he's going to throw that theory out, and assume my brain is "totally different" from everyone else - and give me a bunch of other protocols to start trying, so we can pin down what works.

I'm not sure what to think about that. Honestly, I'm starting to wonder/worry if it has to do with trauma in my past - if my brain is wound up really tightly, because it's busy repressing stuff so I can function and trying to just hold everything in balance and keep me from falling apart. That might explain why any kind of poking seems to feel bad?

Do you remember how long it took before you and your trainer figured out what would work for you, when you were first getting started? (Apologies if I asked this before)? I'm now in week 4... I'm sticking with it, because I don't feel like I've got any good alternatives (my life otherwise kind of sucks, and therapy hasn't helped at all!) - but I really wish my brain made more sense!

Thanks!
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