My ex had red flags of abuse from day one but I was too daft at the time to just walk away. I remember that my friends wanted to meet him(both were dating each other at the time) and my one friend (let's call her Keli) wanted to check out a restaurant by where he lived. Keli and her boyfriend Eric made reservations and I told my ex at the time and he agreed. My ex sounded SUPER DRUNK on the phone when I had called him and he was telling me to just "go myself" and I was a little iffy but I drove there anyway. Well, he was loaded. I should have just left him there, but I dragged him along. He ended up being so obnoxious talking about how I was on a diet that my two friends ended up going outside to "smoke" to start texting me to just dump him and he was a ****.

When we got home, without even knowing these people he told me that they "had their **** together" and I didn't. When I told him about how hurtful that was the next day, he had 150 reasons why it wasn't really meant like that, I was too sensitive, etc.

SIGN ONE: Constant put downs.
SIGN TWO: Gaslighting.

My ex would constantly make jokes or rude comments at my expense that I started doing the same to him, which he would then turn around and say "well you do it to me". I dyed my hair blue, and it was runny and ended up staining my face. I ended up joking I was giving oral to a smurf. I laughed, he laughed, it was funny. Several days later he came over and saw the stains in my sink and said "wow what do you do suck **** all day you haven't cleaned this?" I was taken back, said no...but he continued. "Is it really worth it? I don't think so, you aren't that good at it."

SIGN THREE: Mean comments disguised as jokes.

Of course it was a "joke". How could I be so nit picky and overly sensitive? He didn't bring up blow jobs. I was the one who had started talking about them. Why was I getting upset.

Repeat of SIGN TWO: Gaslighting. You are over sensitive. You are a liar. I know you mix things up sometimes with your memory.

I can also say being overly critical is probably the same as constant put downs. I ended up filing for bankruptcy when I found out I was pregnant. I just wanted to start fresh. No car lease, no credit card bills, no debt. He would literally just randomly blurt out "you blew my mind when you filed for bankruptcy" or some sort of comment that was an attempt to criticize me.

I know myself, and I know I can over react and misread situations but you always just sort of have a "gut" feeling about something. I had this "gut" feeling about my ex, but I just didn't listen to myself. Always go with your gut. If someone sounds/feels off, the chances are (unless you yourself have a personality disorder) they are.