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CrystalGirlx
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CrystalGirlx has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 60
5 yr Member
Default Feb 24, 2019 at 09:41 PM
 
Ever since I can remember I have been impulsive. I have slept with probably over 60 men in my life, at I am only 28. A first date goes well, and I am just off right to bed. This has toned down in recent years, as I have had LTR's. However, when the LTR didn't work out I was automatically right back to wanting to date. When I was broken up with my abusive ex I slept with about 4 people. I feel guilt and confusion.

I get very angry, and I often lash out at people for simple things. I have driven away boyfriends due to my outbursts. I call excessively, I always want constant contact. I put up with horrible abuse during my last two relationships, but couldn't bare to be alone.

I ended up having to file for bankruptcy because I over spend and racked up $12,000 worth of credit card debt. I can't keep a job other than one that is very menial. I was working as a legal secretary and I just couldn't focus. I ended up getting fired because I was forgetting things constantly and using the computer for random browsing. I have no ability to sit and work on anything. My organization skills are atrocious, and I have difficulty managing money.

I am finally getting around to college. I am in my last year of my associates, and really trying. I am not unintelligent, my grades are actually half way decent but my organization is poor. My note books are all over the place. I have absolutely NO idea what I want to do with my education. One minute I want to go to nursing school, the next...I want to be a teacher, the next I wanted to be a social worker. I get so revved up about these things and then lose interest. I have only give I think one or two jobs a notice if I want to quit. Sometimes I just stop showing up completely and without even having had another job lined up.

I don't feel like my own individual person sometimes. My one friend once told me I don't have any likes or dislikes. If you were to ask me what I like to do I wouldn't even be able to answer the question. I have no hobbies. I come home, I study, I watch movies. My "hobbies" all are piggy-backed off of dating partners. I have also been told I constantly talk about myself. I actually feel physical pain (almost like nails on a chalk board) when someone other than a romantic partner says I love you or tries to hug me. I do not like affection from anyone other than a partner. I feel very disconnected.

I don't feel self sufficient. I was thinking BPD.

Last edited by CrystalGirlx; Feb 24, 2019 at 09:53 PM..
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