Mental health issues aside did you suffer abuse when you were young? As someone who did I began to see my self worth in what other men thought of me. I used to be very codependent with my boyfriends and almost always chose the bad boys. Therapy and medication helped with that. I was very fortunate to have met my husband and married him when I was 20. it was one of those movie-like, fairy-tale love at first sight things and he really saved me from myself. I will never bash him because he always has my back. We have been married for almost 24 years. I know what we have is rare so I am not trying to tell you that is what you need or that its easy to find. I do not want you to feel bad about your sexual issues. We are our own worst enemies and you do not need to perpetuate the abuse upon yourself. I only bring up past abuse(sexual/emotional/physical) because it dramatically altered my perception of men and how I related to them. I was a "willing" participant in their objectification and the more outrageous I was the more popular I thought it made me. Even in high school I was a flasher for fun and thought nothing of mooning someone. I cant believe I didnt get arrested sometimes. What you did in the past is nothing. You have the present. You need to build up your sense of self worth and I promise you you ARE worth it. I know that mental health issues probably play into things as well and i know people have brought up BPD. Well I am bipolar II and did some of the things you did and acted in similar ways before I was medicated and compliant. So I just didnt want to try and chalk it up to one thing but to encourage you to see a professional.