I feel like I am not that insightful but will give you my POV because I want to be supportive. I do know how deep this struggle is for you.

I have mostly felt like it is my duty to satisfy/meet my H's needs and sometimes I do this even when I am not in the mood. When I do this out of love/because I want to make him happy (even if I am not feeling it with abandon)--he appreciates this--this is a loving act. From my POV, our husbands should do this for us.

My husband has been good about trying to satisfy me whenever I need it and it is practical. I complain about him sometimes but he gets a lot of brownie points for this and because he is willing to do this, I am willing to do this for him. When I take my full medications, it is harder for me to fully enjoy it. When I talked to my H about this, he said he took it as a challenge and just works longer/harder. Also, I sometimes cut back on my meds (my psychiatrist knows) to make it better but then know when I have to go back to them because of my anxiety struggles. That we are talking about this issue has made us closer/improved our emotional intimacy.

If your husband is not trying to meet your needs then I commend you for not giving up. I hope my assumption about what the needs are is correct. Also, if he is always focussed on his phone, etc. then he needs to take time (if only just one hour) everyday to put it away and be fully present with you. Otherwise, of course you are not happy.