I messaged my doctor.
I'll tell you if it turns out my interpretation was right. Not sure how I'll handle it if it turns out your interpretation was correct, but I can't imagine that he could have possibly actually meant that. If he somehow actually did mean that, not telling you would kind of feel like lying by omission, but I really don't want to have to consider doing that. Please don't ask me to do that. Maintaining is hard enough.