Hello ValentineHeart: I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. And thank you for sharing your concerns here on PC.

I'm sorry you are experiencing so much difficulty already in your young life. Sadly... from what you wrote, it sounds as though your grandparents are abusive. Unfortunately I don't think there is much of anything I can offer in the way of advice other than to perhaps continue participating here on PC. There's a lot of support that can be available here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become.

Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, that offers suggestions for coping with your emotions as a teen:

Techniques for Teens: How to Cope with Your Emotions

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. You wrote that therapy is not an option for you. Have you ever tried journaling? Here are links to 6 articles on that subject:

The Importance of Journaling | Strength Over Adversity

Tips To Start Journaling

4 Journaling Exercises to Help You Manage Your Emotions

5 Ways to Use Art Journaling to Navigate Anxiety

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-more...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/using-...o-reclaim-joy/