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Originally Posted by Zararose
How can you learn to trust someone new, after being lied to, manipulated, betrayed by someone in the past? Has anyone ever done it?
I'm trying to let go of what I cant control. I can't control him. As much as I want to. If I do, he will only leave me. What scares me is the unknown. People can physically or emotionally cheat and lie about it. They cover it up because it's the easy cowardly way out.
What if he's emotionally cheating on me now? He's surrounded by young fit women at work. He probably checks them out or imagines them without clothes. Haha. He's a guy. Guys a visual sexual beings. What if a connection goes too far or he gets bored of me. I don't think we spend quality time together anymore. It's like I'm just a housemate. Someone to chill with and watch tv with at the end of the day. I hate my body I hate myself.
Has anyone got any thoughts to help let go of what you can't control?
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Letting go of trying to control things and people outside of ourselves is sometimes hard, that's definitely true but throughout the rest of your post I hope you can look at it and realize that all of it is based on fear and not necessarily justified fear. What someone else did to you, what others do to people does not affect your situation, and your partner. what he does is not based on the idea of your past experiences with men or what any other man does but who he is and his own personality and level of integrity and devotion to you.
So as divine stated, has he given you reason to not trust him? Not based on fear, has he ever given you any reason to believe he's doing anything but be faithful to you? This is what you need to ask yourself when you are overwhelmed with fears and anxiety, and suspicious of things.
The truth is, yes, men tend to be more visual and are more driven by sex. But does that eliminate their ability to control themselves and be faithful? men are not in bondage by sex and they do have the ability to see attractive females not have to be compelled to hit on them, flirt or desire them. Give your partner some credit, that is unless, as we already said he's given you reason not to trust him.
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What if a connection goes too far or he gets bored of me.
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If you want to go the "what if" route, let's change that to an equally legitimate question such as "what if he makes no connection to other women just because he is surrounded by them?" or "what if he continually chooses to close his options to other women because he's already attached?" Change your questions and you get better answers.
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I don't think we spend quality time together anymore.
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So work on that, bring it up to him and tell him you feel like you're missing that and would like to work harder at having more quality time. You should never assume things "just happen" You make them happen between the two of you, if there's no quality time happening it's because no one has said anything and no one is making the effort to do so. It's not all on him, but on you also.
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It's like I'm just a housemate. Someone to chill with and watch tv with at the end of the day. I hate my body I hate myself.
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This last part is quite telling of the fact that this is all fear based and based on your own feelings of being inadequate. "you hate your body and hate yourself" so you assume that what follows is that others feel the same about you and likely it's completely not true.
Hope this helps.