I get it. I do the same in therapy. It's hard for me because it feels like I'll lose control if I open up about it. As dysfunctional as the cycle is, it's how we survive and do amazing things like grad school.
I've recently experienced a "bottom" of my spiral, and am forced to face the reality that my way doesn't work anymore.
Don't let yourself have to hit a bottom. Your recognizing it. Talk to your therapist and tell them you are coming in saying everything is fine when it's not. They probably already know this anyway and are just waiting for you. I wish you luck!