Im gaining weight... I'm gaining weight and fast i don’t want to be like this. i can't do this anymore i will restrict till i am in control. i don't care anymore what do i do? i want to keep doing this because it makes me happy but, it upsets other people. I feel stressed and then i feel like i have to eat to please others but when i finish eating i feel fat and disgusting. Then i want to purge but i usually don’t. I might have to start doing that on the regular again. I have not eaten lunch today, mainly because i felt very fat after breakfast, i had a chocolate chip waffle. I don’t know how many calories is in that so i don’t know why i ate it. people keep telling me that i’m losing weight but i don’t believe them at all if anything i got really fat. You know why? Because my stomach hangs over and i can barely see my feet when i look down. Also because i have to put on my shoes at an angle otherwise i feel my stomach and it hurts. I hate myself for it. I try so hard but nothing happens i wish something would happen so i can feel better about myself. Staff is on me 24/7 and i cant handle it anymore because they put pressure on me. Not to eat but to be okay and healthy. And when i don’t eat it now gets noticed by others who force me to eat like my peers. I hate it when they intervene cause then it’s just more pressure to be perfect.