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Old 03-04-2019, 04:02 PM
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HD7970GHZ Primum Non Nocere
 
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Default Re: Avoiding. Breaking. Captive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Silent_Tears_17 View Post
I'm struggling now like I've struggled before. But I go into therapy and say everything is fine. I dont lie exactly. I just focus on the good things and minimize the bad and ignore the real problems. And I don't know how to stop. And I dont know how to get the help I need.
I'm smart. I'm capable. I work full time and am in grad school. I could be on top of things. But I ignore them instead. I ignore my meds and they run out. Or I forget to take them. But, of course, I don't talk about that either. I'm not trying to seek attention or be bad. I know I could fix it. But I dont. And I know that's bad. I do. But it doesn't change what I do.
I'm starting a spiral again. And I dont know what to do to break the cycle. I'm supposed to break free of these memories that are holding me captive but I don't know how.
Hi Silent_Tears,

I empathize greatly with your suffering! It is SO frustrating when we are held down by our trauma. Even after 6 months of normalcy - a single trigger can bring back all the trauma. Memories, the body sensations, the flashbacks, the physiological pain, the anguish, the anger, the fear, the sadness, the injustice and lack of accountability, lack of faith in humanity, the isolation!

Spending time identifying the triggers and avoiding them doesn't help, because I can be triggered by things that aren't in my control. Having all the coping mechanisms in place for when I am re traumatized doesn't really fix the problem, it just makes it tolerable.

And I think that is the trick with trauma.

It never goes away, it just becomes more tolerable. That is our burden. We have to learn to integrate our trauma into our lives. What that looks like is different for everyone.

What does that look like for you?

We will never be cured, but we can heal.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz
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