I finally was doing well enough to realize shutting out all help was not me choosing to just be ok. So I emailed my T to tell her I want the referrals.

She is very excited about the inpatient dbt program for me apparently. She said she had been wanting to do that for a while. It is an interesting setup with psych team, dbt, other therapies like creative expression and meditation and co-occuring disorder help for mental health and substance abuse issues (As I write this not taking my meds all day and with a whiskey in my hand after being proud of 5 days of giving up drinking and taking my meds feeling easy then today impossible)

The psychosocial rehabilitation program I still dont know what to expect. At least I could be at home for that though. Leaving my family again would be hard for the dbt after spending probably around 2months in IP stays during 2018.

All I know is earlier I was feeling like I had no problems and didnt need any of these referrals anyway and now somehow feel happy with myself and afraid of myself so I probably still need some help lol. Otherwise I still take care of my kids and have held down a job for about a year(with lots of sick time but oh well) so I can function quite well until my episodes get too intense. I do have a lot of issues from childhood bit talk therapy doesnt help any more than ignoring it does.

I also have a dbt book. Its called the dialectical behavior therapy workbook for bipolar disorder. I bought it about a year and a half ago and my issues? have changed a lot since then so im not sure how it.would be now but when I first got it I found it upset me a lot. I had to slow down a lot and go over one thing or even page at a time so I wouldnt get overwhelmed. So if I had any advice on that and if my advice is actually worth anything it would be to start slow if you are doing it alone.