Most if not all of my contributions have been speaking from personal experience. I normalized all of those behaviors too. Also, since I grew up in an abusive family, if I did see a red flag, my *family* would normalize it and tell me I'm being too sensitive or unreasonable.

The first argument I ever had with my ex-husband... we had it while we were still dating. My family plus a few friends had all gone out to breakfast on the way to the airport to see my uncle off. My then boyfriend, later husband, now ex, got *furious* with me because I wouldn't order for myself what he thought I should order, never mind that I was the one paying for it. How controlling is that? Beware when they try to make decisions for you. Big giant red flag.

My family barely noticed, only enough to find it entertaining, as in heehee, isn't that cute, the lovers are having their first spat. Nobody came to my defense. I should have ended it right there, but if I had, I would have been told how unreasonable I was being, and I shouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just because of one little fight, and maybe he's having a bad day, and all kinds of excuses for him.