Well... at the risk of suggesting the obvious... I'd say this is something you really need to talk through with a therapist, preferably one who is experienced in working with people who have sexual orientation issues. I'm not gay. But I have had a life-long struggle with my gender identity. (I'll spare you the details.) I also have not had a lot of experience with seeing therapists. But I did see one in particular, for a short time, with whom I had the opportunity to talk about my GID issues. And I have to say it was such a relief! Sadly I didn't stick with her. I got PO'd about something else entirely & quit in a huff. But I really think that just talking through these sorts of concerns can be a great relief.

The thing is, if your sexual orientation concerns are anything like my GID concerns, they ain't goin' anywhere. And just trying to keep it all bottled up inside year-after-year can be a tough way to live as well as perhaps a losing battle. My best wishes to you...