I am assuming this was spawned (at least a little) from my own posting. One of the hugest obstacles that I had in leaving my abuser was accepting that fact he did indeed abuse me. I spent countless days going over the situations in my head of how or why I could have caused what had happened to me. I wondered if I had over reacted in certain situations and if I was to blame for some of the behaviors he inflicted on me.

The difference between myself and my abuser was the fact that I well...cared. I felt remorse for my own actions(reactive abuse) and a general dislike of how I handled myself...but I have to remember the key thing here...HOW I HANDLED MYSELF WHILE BEING ABUSED. My abuser does not comprehend he abused me, but he is very quick to say I was the verbally abusive partner. He is quick to remember how I wronged him (and yes, I have) but cannot fathom how his own behavior was wrong.

Towards the very end I mentioned I still loved him, but things needed to change if we were to ever continue.

His answer?

Would you like me to just become a loser then? Any time I tried to tell him his behavior wasn't appropriate it turned into "Do you want to date a p*ssy?" Or he would start talking like a "proper" gentleman and mockingly say things like "Oh *myname* would you fancy a tea?"

He had no comprehension he had an anger problem, he justified...every single thing he did. Whereas I remember every time I blew up in frustration(and every time when I over reacted). I was self aware of my own shortcomings.