My Support Forums - View Single Post

sarahsweets · Mar 08, 2019 at 02:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saidso

I think there is a big range of what might be called supportive by some and unsupportive by others - there is even a big range of perceptions in therapeutic situations around what is interpreted as supportive of healing and growth.

Somewhere in between those two extremes lies PC forums... and to cultivate an atmosphere of trust methinks we have to evaluate what we write to each other - but within the context of respecting that we come from very different life experiences.

I agree. I think with PC forums it depends on what someone is asking. If someone asks for support then sensitivity should be used to provide that. Some people want to vent or rant, some want opinions, some want suggestions, some just want people to agree with them. In order for me to have my needs met I learned to ask for what I needed. I learned to explain if I was ranting or venting. I learned that if I ask for suggestions I have to be prepared not to like them. If I ask for opinions I have to be prepared not to like them. IMO its all about expectations. If I do not say what I need then its hard for others to guess what it is I am looking for and they may suggest when I dont want it, or give and opinion when I did not ask for it or- just offer support when I really wanted opinions and suggestions.

Quote:

For me to change my behaviour, another person has to meet me with willingness to change their perceptions..... For you to change your behaviour, I have to meet you with a willingness to change my perceptions?..... There needs to be some curiosity about the world outside my particular mind-set +++++ the willingness to take time and step back from initial emotional reactions?

This is why I think it is so important to admit when you are wrong and be willing to make amends or say sorry. Sometimes people will get caught up in being 'right'. You can be right but still say sorry if what you said may have hurt someone or be insensitive. Saying sorry isn't forgoing your own opinion, admitting defeat or agreeing with someone else- it just means you would rather be kind than be 'right'.