Hi Nathalie!

First, I am very sorry that you are going through this pain and that this has been your experience. No one deserves to feel unappreciated or low or anything but happy. I do not know the true ins and outs of your relationship with this man but I can speak to a few things that I think you should think about for yourself:

1. Do you believe the things he says?
He very well might suffer from anxiety, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder however, he also might be lying and using that as an excuse. Now, because he disclosed this early on before the issues started, I would lean more towards he is not lying about his diagnosis but I do think there's more to the story than he is giving you.
I have a difficult time believing the "brother issues" - I would be curious if he's actually married and has another family. The conflicting feelings between obligations to them and how he is feeling about you could absolutely be triggering his anxiety and leading to him being hot and cold and giving you mixed messages. Regardless, I hope you think long and hard about what is real, and what you might be accepting because it's what you want to believe.

2. Do you feel that this relationship is healthy for YOU?
It is so incredibly hard to do, I know I suffer with it as well, but sometimes being the caregiver means being your own caregiver first. Taking care of your own emotions and mental health comes first and it is SUCH a good sign that you posted this because it should show you that you are very much trying to help yourself. Figure out if you think this is a relationship that truly is benefitting you...if it's not, maybe you should let him go. Look out for yourself and what is best for YOU first...because you deserve to have happiness and be stress free!

3. Do you think you are ready to not have any contact with him?
If the answer to this is no, then it doesn't matter what advice anyone gives, you'll do what you're going to do. I've found that people will never do anything until they are ready. So much like he will not commit to you until he is ready, you also won't be able to let him go until you are ready. Be patient with yourself, and remember to always always look out for your own best interests. It's ok to be supportive and try to be his friend, but I do think you should keep in mind that if doing so is going to harm you in any way, it is not worth it. Give him the push to seek professional help that he might need, but also stick up for your own feelings.

I wish you so so much happiness and really hope things work out for you!