Hello Neverbeagain: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I noticed this is your first post. So… welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you have encountered so much difficulty in your young life. Please don't feel ashamed for writing your post. The overwhelming majority of us, here on PC, have struggled with problems similar to yours. And this is what we're all here for.

You wrote that you feel confused, don't know who you are, can't see any good parts of yourself, & need some guidance. You also mentioned having been in therapy before but that it didn't work. You didn't mention how long you were in therapy for or why you felt it didn't work. Therapy, of one sort or another, really is the way to work through the kinds of difficulties you're experiencing. Truthfully it can take a while to make real progress. It's also important to have a therapist you feel comfortable with. (Not every therapist works well with every client.) And then there are also other types of therapy beyond individual therapy. There's CBT, DBT & others as well. (I see you list yourself as being in Bucharest. I don't know what types of mental health services are available to you there.)

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. But, from what you wrote, it certainly sounds as though social anxiety may be one of the problems you're dealing with possibly along with depression. You mentioned having some suicidal thoughts. And it also sounds as though you're struggling with a lot of shame. I don't know as I really have any particular answers for you. Hopefully there will be other members, here on PC, who will have some insights they can share. However, in the meantime, here are links to a selection of 11 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help. (Several of these are by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.) The first article is on the subject of depression. The next 3 deal with the subject of social anxiety. Next is an article on depression & anxiety in college students. Then there are 3 articles that discuss shame. And finally 3 articles on managing suicidal thoughts:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments

Social Anxiety Overview

Social Anxiety Disorder Treatment

6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety

Depression and Anxiety Among College Students

https://psychcentral.com/lib/shame-t...emotion/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/buildi...o-shame/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/suicid...way-your-shot/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/suicid...can-teach-you/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...idal-thoughts/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. Here's a link to a childhood-emotional-neglect blog, here on PC, as well:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/