I did not think I was depressed. But I have really struggled a lot in the area of social anhedonia. I find that not wanting to do social stuff makes me act on that feeling. So I don't do most social things, especially lately. I find that...even with a particular social group I love, I feel good, better, there. But I just can't get myself to do more, unless I really push myself. And I am super resistant. I do not know why. Though in my past, long ago, I felt forced by my parents to do social things that I did not want to do and that were not a good fit for me.

I feel very frustrated. I am envious of people who are happy and enjoying life (which leads me to think I AM depressed), and I find myself thinking about the s word, though it is not a serious consideration, just a fleeting thought, it is probably an indicator that I'm sick / depressed again, and should talk to my doctor and therapist.