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sarahsweets · Mar 10, 2019 at 12:39 PM

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Originally Posted by jaymoq

Instead, he has started to self medicate which Im not sure is any better. He takes an herbal supplement which is legal, Kratom, but is highly addictive. He went from taking it once a day to twice to now three time over the course of a year. He also started smoking again (something he never told me he did before we met) saying the kratom made him crave nicotine.

Kratom can actually be dangerous when you overdose on it. Its not like a regular overdose where you nod off or get dopey. Many times you will have no symptoms until its really bad. Then it affects your liver and kidneys- they can shut down and it can also cause bile duct blockages. I can respect its value when it comes to helping addicts get off opiates but kratom is tricky to dose since there are no guidelines, no inspection of the facility its grown in, no real safety warnings or studies supporting or even not supporting its safety. The US government is on the verge of making it a schedule I drug which IMO is very lazy of the government. Most people have no regard for safe dosing of this. It comes from overseas-I forget if its China or Thailand.

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I finally told him he cant smoke in my house (but can smoke anywhere else, just not around me because cigarette smoke gives me migraines) and so he started vaping. I started getting a lot of sinus infections and finally convinced him to vape outside. He eventually stopped nicotine altogether, since nicotine actually aggravated his disability. But within a month or two, he was chewing nicotine gum. He hid that from me and when I found a pack of it and asked he lied and said it was someone elses.

Why would he lie about the gum and were you upset? Considering his addiction issues you should let him chew all the gum he wants- if he can stay off illegal substances, kratom, alcohol, smoking and vaping.

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Then he blew up and said I have no right to judge him for anything and its his life.

Were you judging him?

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Now he chews 24/7. He always has nicotine gum in his mouth. Hes upped to the max nicotine gm. If he is close to running out, he flips out and cant focus on anything else until he gets more nicotine. But he always runs out. Which boggles my mind. Dont wait until youre out? But I realize Im not an authority on this one.

Again, the gum is relatively safe. The harmful stuff in cigs( tar, fiber glass, the actual smoke in your lungs is the bad stuff. Not nicotine.

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His kratom is also expensive and he doesnt prioritize spending so some months he runs out before he gets paid. His withdrawals are awful. He gets violently ill and cant function. Two months ago, I drove 3 hours to the supplier and I got him several bags. Which I paid for. I told him now he had a surplus and if he just bought a new bag even every other month, hed be ok. But no. He just used all those bags up and he now is almost out again. And doesnt seem to care. He told me hell just wait until next month. Yall its only the 10th.

This dynamic is not good and you enabled him with the kratom going so far away to get it and paying for it and trusting him to responsible with all of it. Addicts have the disease of 'more' and its never enough.

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I know he is hurting, but it pains me that he is hurting himself by running out.

Do you mean running out of kratom or gum? If its kratom w/d is painful but he will not die from it.

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It hurts me that he has had to cut a date or an outing short because his needs gum. It frustrates me when no matter what were doing, were making pit stops for his gum.

I am confused as to why you are so upset about the gum. Isnt is a quick stop to buy it? Why would he cancel a date for a 5 minute stop?

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I am really trying to be understanding. I am trying not to be a nag as he calls me. I dont want to even be involved in any of this. He can do what he wants. But when it affects his health, it bothers me. And his obsession with these substances is running his life and ultimately, running ours.

He is an addict- I would say polysubstance abuse. The only one who can stop is him. But you can help him stop by- not giving him any money, not spending time with him when he uses the kratom, not going to buy it for him etc. If he gets to do what he wants and you are still there and helping him out then he will never hit bottom and change. You must raise the bottom for him.

Forget about the gum. Its so small of an issue and he has so many other addictions- let him have that win.

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I realize Im supremely lucky he isnt doing anything harder.

No you are not lucky- lucky isnt relief that your loved on does one kind of drug but not another kind. He is playing with fire. He has no motivation to change because you are still tolerating it.

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Weve talked about having kids but Im terrified if he starts doing anything else, hell use the same justification its his body. He can do what he wants.

Do not bring children into that mess.