Thank you for your reply, it was very constructive. Digging into the past makes me understand the person whom I am today. I am a very curious person and I always want to find a reason to everything, especially as I am very interested in human behavior An example could be an engine. when it's faulty I don't want a quick fix, I like to disassemble it to find the faulty part and then rebuild it again. I like to discover myself from childhood to adulthood to understand why I became an anxious person and why I fear death almost every day of my life. Understanding it it helps me heal.
The explanation my psychotherapist gave me is that the insecurity and luck of comfort that my parents gave me, no intentionally, they were not aware, they didn't have time to think and analyze their behaviors (their main worry was to be ale to earn money to feed the family and pay the mortgage) as parents they were there in presence but not in person. Not that they were aware, they though they did their best considering the circumstances, and I really appreciate them for how hard the worked to keep us afloat. But I needed an explanation about why am I the one to suffer from anxiety and once I understand why I can start healing. Would it work? Hopefully yes, at least it helps me to know myself a little bit more. I hope I haven't bored you with my speech