Hello Ckotrady: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with such difficult information. I can only imagine what this must be like for you. I guess the only thing I can offer with regard to this is that the person your father was does not affect the person you are.

I don't know if you've considered talking this through with a counselor or therapist. Sometimes having the opportunity to talk things through at-length & in-depth with an objective person can be helpful. At least from my perspective, I think the thing you probably don't want to do is to keep how you're feeling bottled up inside. That can be a prescription for ongoing sadness in my experience.

Coming here to PC can certainly be of help too. There are lots of caring, compassionate members here. So please do keep posting. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.