A slightly better day so far (it is 1 pm). This morning I dragged myself up to do some hydrotherapy at the beach for my torn hamstring. It was a little rough so made me work harder and have to be more careful. The ocean lifted my mood a little. I think battling the waves helped vent some of my rage too.

After breakfast I had a coffee with a close friend who is moving back to England after seven years here. It was wonderful but I will miss him dearly.

I still feel panicked and overwhelmed. Drank too much again last night. I know I need to stop but I just don’t care right now. So many memories and ideas are running through my mind. They haunt me. Soon I will be going over my parents for a day. I love seeing them but really want to be alone. People in longer than an hour is very stressful. I just want to hide. Seeing my T tomorrow. Wonder what he will say?