Anatta, when I read your post I just had to respond. I am the partner of someone with BPD. He suffers from severe abandonment issues and we have been working on this extensively lately. Whenever anything irritates me or I express an interest in an activity that doesn't include him, he becomes dissociated and detached which then leads to the abandonment spiral.

I just want to reassure you and everyone else out there, that abandonment issues are a very real thing and that as a couple you CAN work through them together. I have to constantly reassure my husband that I am here and committed and always willing to hear his feelings - that is MY JOB as his partner. His job is to be honest about how he is feeling - my job is to make sure that he understands that I am not going anywhere and that we BOTH have space for our feelings and needs.

It's a tough road - this abandonment thing. I have had to become understanding in ways that I did not know I had within me. Love is inspiring in it's own right, though, and you can find it with honest communication - I truly believe that. All the best to you!!!