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Anonymous48672
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Default Mar 14, 2019 at 05:00 PM
 
I recently had coffee with a man I've known on social media; we met for the first time after knowing each other online for about six months. He's in his late 50s btw and was in a 5 year relationship with a woman who supposedly (accord. to him, broke up with him and blocked him on her social media).

We spent the whole day together, first at the coffee shop, then later at a music venue. At the music venue we were very flirty with each other.

While I waited in his car for my car to warm up (the windchill outside was below zero and my car was parked farther away from the music venue than his was), we talked a lot.

Then, when we got to my car, he kissed me on my cheek, texted me a pet name later to see if i made it home safely, and proceeded to bombard me with posts and messages on my social media after that to the point where I felt confused about his intentions.

When we talked on the phone about why he kissed me on the cheek he admitted that he probably shouldn't have, considering he's not attracted to me.

But here is a list of the red flags about his behavior, that makes me think he is a narcissist.
  • Was physically flirty and touchy feely with me at the music venue, kissed me on the cheek at the end of the night, then said, "Well, see you on the social media group page!"
  • When I called him, he waited a few hours before he responded via text, "Saw you called. What did I miss?"
  • Bombarded my social media account with flirty GIFS, memes, messages, and posts.
  • When I gave him specific dates I was available to get together, he never responded.
  • Called me up at the last minute to see if I was interested in meeting him late at night to go listen to music at a music venue.

When I got fed up with his mixed messages on social media, I sent him a message explaining why I was blocking him. He responded via text, that he didn't see this coming and wanted to 'fix things' between us. I refused to respond and blocked his cellphone number. Later, he called me from an unknown number. Against my better judgment, I engaged in conversation with.

It revealed his narcissistic personality traits.

I tried to explain to him in straightforward terms, why I blocked him on social media: he gave me mixed messages, and made me feel like he was using me for online entertainment and not interested in a real friendship offline.

His response was to defend himself, "I really don't think I did anything wrong."

Then he tried to shame me, "I don't mean to put you down, but I think you overreacted here."

Then he tried to belittle me, "No one else in my circle of friends -- esp. women has a problem with how much I communicate with them online."

Then he bragged and tried to shame me again, "I have friends all over the world, some of whom I don't see that often anymore. I made a special effort to see you, because we'd been talking online in that social media group for months. I didn't realize that just because we spent the day together, that means it had to lead to anything offline."

I tried to keep him on topic, and circle him back to my point being that I didn't like the way I feel he misled me with his mixed messages when we met in person. I read that you should try to avoid falling into the trap with narcissists of explaining, or oversharing personal information because they will later use that against you. But unfortunately, I fell into both traps with this guy; I told him about how I'd been used by men in my past who were narcissists, some of whom hit me in public, were drunk in public while out with me, who tried to control what I wore, what food I ate, my social schedule and who I hung out with. I regret telling him this information b/c it made me feel weak. I didn't have to tell him ANY of that personal history of mine. It's none of his business.

I feel like I set boundaries with him, by blocking him, but failed by answering his phone call when he called me from an unknown number. I feel free again, knowing that I am not dating him, and I have blocked him on social media despite us having mutual friends (two of whom asked me about him, but I refused to discuss it).

Everything had to be on his terms when we met in person, even the way he responded to my phone call and when I blocked him on social media. He gave me mixed messages then denied it, instead of trying to empathize with me and see the situation from my POV.
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Hugs from:
Anonymous43949, Anonymous44076, MickeyCheeky
 
Thanks for this!
MickeyCheeky