Hi everyone!

Looks like I'm about 1.5 months late to the party, but I wanted to weigh in on this topic.

I'm in a very strange boat. I have always had a learning disability: in elementary school and high school I would sit and pore over books, lecture notes, and other materials for hours, and nothing would register. To try to manage my frustration, I would retaliate against the cause: "reading, writing, arithmetic."

I became a rabble rouser and class clown: I would imitate the teachers and the "goody two shoes" who got good grades, and disrupt every class. My grades were - not surprisingly - horrible.

Somehow I managed to get into a top undergraduate university and business school. I climbed steadily up the corporate ladder, eventually becoming a senior executive at one of the world's largest banks. This was all fueled by "workaholism," and thriving on conflict, adversity, and "proving myself" to all the "haters and doubters." I was "proving myself," and thumbing my nose at all the people who mistook my poor grades as an indication of subpar intellect. I was a genius in my own mind, talking rapidly, explaining esoteric concepts to seemingly interested (but actually bewildered) spectators, and of course, sleeping very little.

In other words - I was in the throes of a fullblown manic episode.

Then - boom. In the blink of an eye, my mania gave way to depression. This was 2.5 years ago. After my breakdown (2 hospitalizations, followed by about 12 ECT treatments), I did a very menial job at a bank - about 5 levels below the previous role I held - for 8 months. I did "fine," but I found even this low-level role to be too much.

In almost every job, I had the same problem I did throughout my studies: I couldn't absorb the information. However, while manic I was able to pull the whole "fake it till you make it" song and dance. The jig would eventually run out, however: I could only "schmooze" my way out of so many missed deadlines and broken commitments.

I do have ADHD, mixed with anxiety, and depression. I'm unable to focus on what people are saying. This is in school lectures, company meetings, hallway conversations; I always need to have a pen and notepad to jot everything down in copious notes. This is for fear that I'm going to forget all the information. It's a form of hypergraphia, which one PsychCentral forum had posted about previously.
https://forums.psychcentral.com/bipo...t=hypergraphia

It's exhausting to try to retain, process, and act upon the information continuously. Eventually my brain "short circuits," and I get very confused and disoriented. I just end up abandoning the project / deliverable I had committed to. I was great at promising things in meetings, just lousy at following through.

It's a vicious cycle: after I fail (i.e., miss a deadline or turn in an incomplete / unsatisfactory deliverable or assignment), I then feel more depressed and beat myself up.

There appears to be great comorbidity between bipolar disorder and learning disabilities. I was surprised by the lack of articles on this topic.

Therese Borchard, an amazing mental health advocate, wrote a great article about the strong overlap between the two.
Bipolar Disorder: A Kind of Learning Disability - Beyond Blue

Gah…I would love to just be a blogger / write books / do podcasts about mental health. Would be great to share my stories (i.e., bipolar disorder, learning disabilities, and failures in work and school) and discuss with others. Just not sure if that would pay the rent…