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ForeverConfused
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: New England
Posts: 5
5 yr Member
Default Mar 14, 2019 at 09:15 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemo1934 View Post
I relate to your post on so many ways. I am very much aware of the difference between what's transference and what's genuinely adult love and attraction with my T.
In terms of the therapy interactions, I do not think I could ask for a T that is better suited for my circumstances and personality.
I came to a point where I decided that the therapy and the healing are much more important to me than anything else in my life. The healing of trauma, relief from the panic, and building trust in myself again all take precedence over everything for me.
I consciously decided that this would be where my focus needs to stay. This has helped tremendously.
Sometimes I think it's the love and attraction that makes me so open to her. I've never been attracted to or felt romantic type of love for any T ever until her. Interestingly, I'm also willing to actually be vulnerable and take risks with her like I've not been able to bring myself to do with past Ts. That perspective makes me feel positive and not so tormented by my feelings as well. We all need different things to get us to a place of openness to heal. Maybe my thing was that I had to fall in love?
You say you have told your T you are attracted and discussed it. What would be your motivation to continue talking about it? I think that's a good question to ask yourself. Are you expecting our hoping for some particular outcome? If you feel that your T is helping you work towards your goals in therapy, maybe that's more important right now.
That's a really useful suggestion, Nemo 1934. I'll try to remind myself to prioritize differently. (It definitely helps to have someone else say it, too)

There's a small part of my that wants to talk about it because I want him to reciprocate these feelings, but mostly it's:
1. Because I'm hoping that by telling him everything, putting it all out there, and seeing that he doesn't share those feelings might help me move past it.
2. If I feel like I can't share everything with him, it makes it hard to trust myself when I'm talking to him. It feels like I have to try and filter myself more.
3. I just need to talk to *someone* about it, and he's really the only person I could potentially tell.
4. It's significant enough in my daily life that, if I felt this way about someone else, I'd definitely be talking to my T about it.
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