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Originally Posted by Kibou
Hmm, hi there !
Well, recently, school and studies have been digusting me.
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Well, I think your feelings of disgust are appropriate concerning what school is.
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Originally Posted by Kibou
I hate the ambient comformism there. People (teachers and students) will tell you what to think, what to say, what to do, what to like, and students who show the slighest sign of difference are rejected, excluded, called names, humiliated. God I hate this.
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School exists for the purposes of leveling people into a conformity appropriate for social stability. It's just propaganda for the 'spirit of the age' - the kind of propaganda where the answers aren't even wrong because the question sets the stage wrong. So, even most who recognize the answer is wrong won't recognize that they can't escape the question. And that's fine, I guess, it's something anyways.
But for people who are on the 'fringe,' the people who won't conform so easily, the school grinds on them all the more. Either the fringe person is conformed by the grinding or the fringe person is broken. And when I mean broken, I mean a deep loss of psychological/spiritual integrity. Grinding requires quite a lot of pressure.
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Originally Posted by Kibou
Moreover, the teachers seem not to care about our mental heatlh, adding more and more hours to our timetables (which is supposed to be forbidden...), giving us an *** load of homework each week, and expecting us to complete all the schoolwork at a high level. The headmaster wants our school to become more competitive, which is why we are all expected to be brillant. Like if we were some kind of robots or indsutrial products to be sold.
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Yes, the system (though there are some teachers who do care, I've found them very rare) cannot care about your mental health or your essential being. Yes, they'd prefer you to be a robot - robot's are better for the economy. You've done well to observe this, it means you aren't blind - a great advantage in this world. What you describe has been seen and described for centuries because it is what is.
Robots exist to service the human in any way the human desires. But we aren't actually robots, so I've preferred the word 'hominid' myself. The question arises; if we are the hominids then who or what is the human? That's something worth pondering.
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Originally Posted by Kibou
There are many many things I feel like I can't endure anymore. The pressure from my parents and my main teacher (I passed all my exams and tests this semester, my grade point average is at 3,4/4, but they insist that it's not enough and want me to take more AP classes).
I've been working really hard, so hard that it's difficult for me to find time for my hobbies, and my friends/boyfriend. Plus, I have a part time job, which takes away even more of my free time. So if they keep subjecting me to more and more extra classes... I don't know what I will become lol
It makes me want to completely give up. Not only school, but also work, and social life, family and friends. I just want to shut myself in my room for the rest of my life. That would be relieving.
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Yes, it'd be relieving, but what about it would make it relieving?
Yet, you can't simply be shut away. Your relief would become a cage because you wouldn't be living your life. You can't deny your own life and get away with it, not without breaking. Ultimately, shutting yourself away is also a way to destroy everything outside.
Let me tell you, being broken can't be the option you pick. You've got to find a way to survive in a single piece. Nechayev was broken, both me and the Nechayev I name myself after. If you want to buck the system, if you want to rebel against it, if you want to seek justice against it, it'll only come down on you harder and harder - if you take that to it's end, the only thing left of you will be the will for universal vengeance and total annihilation of everything. You can't do that because you'd build your own hell on earth that way. Because, let me tell you, the grinding doesn't end with school.
Remember, that grinding can produce a polished gem.
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Originally Posted by Kibou
But I think I would regret it, I've been getting really good grades until now, and I worked my *** off to get there. Same for my current job, I spent a lot of time in training to get it. I just think it would be disrespectful to myself to give in and mess up years and years of hard work, just because of a few people.
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Yes, you might regret it. Part of what is pressuring you is other's regret, but you aren't them. A good degree is a useful tool, and those AP classes are useful tools for getting that good degree. Do you need that tool? I don't know. A lot of people trade their youths for tools they don't need. Others fail to obtain the tools they need. It isn't wrong of them to try to set you up with useful tools.
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Originally Posted by Kibou
I don't know how to handle this...
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It'd be strange if you did know how to handle it. I don't really know either. Let me tell you though, you've got to become truly human. It's the same end for everyone. Figure out your end and your path is set. You'll have nothing else to do but that path. Having only that path will give you the relief you desire.
You have your life and you should live it. In school they always told me that it was prep for 'real life,' but life is always real. When you have your path, you'll be free to live your life - a very worthwhile life.
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Practically, what you should do now is be honest with your parents. Talk with them and talk with them maturely. Let them know what's up with you. Let them know what you think. Let them know what you feel. And then you should go with what they say until you are out of their house - which is why it's important to be mature and honest in talking with them.
You'll be okay.