I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, lilacsnow Please don't give up. I know it's hard to deal with these thoughts, but please remember that just because you think something is true it doesn't mean it is. I'd suggest to talk to your doctor about this and see how it goes from there. Try to seek professional help if you can. I feel like that may really help you. You deserve to get help and to feel better. Try to fight these thoughts as much as you can. You deserve to live a good life just like everyone else does. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. You deserve it. Please don't give up. Don't worry, you're safe here. Nobody is going to close your account unless you want to. Like you've said, you're not doing anything wrong. You're just asking for help, and that's great! It means that you do want to get better. Take all the time you need. Take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. I'm sure you'll be able to get through this. You're a strong, wonderful person. Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Please don't give up. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, lilacsnow. Don't worry. Remember that you're safe here. You're a strong, wonderful person. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this