I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, xmascarol It's definitely not easy to cope with death. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry you and your mother have suffered so much as well. From what you wrote it seems like you feel a bit guilty about it, like you haven't been doinf enough to help her. Please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault. From what you wrote it's clear that she was neglecting herself as well. We can help people only if they want to get help as well. You've tried your best by being there to support her and by calling her and saying that you loved her. You've been a wonderful daughter. I'm sure of that. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much right now. Take your time. It will take time before you'll feel a bit better about it. Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful person, xmascarol. Please remember that. Keep honoring your mother and remember to take care of yourself as well. I promise you that you will feel better at some point. Many people go through this, so you're definitely not alone in this. I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given some great advice on this thread. I'd suggest to follow it if you can. I'm sure you can do this. We all care about you here. We all love you here. We won't judge you. I promise you that. Stay strong, xmascarol. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Try to hang on. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, xmascarol. You don't deserve to suffer like this. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. You're a strong, wonderful person, I know that