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sarahsweets · Mar 16, 2019 at 11:47 AM

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Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Has anyone ever had a friend that basically allowed someone else to cheat on their girlfriend or boyfriend? I have a friend that does that. She claims to not have feelings for a certain guy we both were friends with in college, yet she will go hot and cold with him and go through phases where she will want to have sex with him. At times she will have sex with him and other times she will bail on him at the last minute and ignore him for long periods of time until she feels horny again. I know, very uncomfortable and awkward to hear or talk about.

Never thought I would have to hear or talk about this. Trust me, when I heard she was doing this when she admitted it, it sort of changed my view on her a bit. We are just friends but it makes me wonder how she truly views relationships with others. The big problem though, is that she knows the guy has another girlfriend, yet still allows him to cheat on her. I know people have the tendency to do "stuff" together on and off but it is a totally different situation when cheating is involved.

She is not allowing him to cheat on his girlfriend. He is choosing to cheat and she is a willing party to that act by cheating with him.

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The guy is purposely cheating on his girlfriend and my friend is allowing it to happen. Is allowing someone to cheat on their significant other make the person just as bad as the person cheating? I kind of feel like it is sine it is disrespectful towards the person who is being cheated on and makes it seem like whoever allows someone else to cheat sees relationships as disposable or not as serious.

You keep saying” allowing him to cheat”. Again he is choosing to do it himself. She is a willing participant and honestly they are both adults they have bad scruples or morals but they are both adults.

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What do you guys think? Also she at times will try to hide it and pretend she is done doing that stuff but she has done it so many times before that it is extremely obvious when she is lying and hiding it. She will all the sudden be on her phone way more than normal and act all fidgety and nervous like she is worried someone will catch her at any moment and if she is cancelling plans then her excuses are terrible and may even change.

I would be more concerned with the fact that she is lying to you, her friend. If you guys are friends she shouldn't be lying to you. She should just say nothing if she wishes to continue the behavior but certainly doing it and lying about it is a problem between you and her.

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I am not in a relationship with her obviously and never have or never will have feelings with her, but I will admit, if I did or if I had feelings with someone else who allowed the same kind of stuff to happen, it would be an immediate turn off since I would be afraid of being cheated on.

No disrespect meant but usually when people hypothetically talk about whether they do or they don't have some feelings for someone, or whether they could or could not date somebody, that usually means that beneath the surface they do actually have feelings for that person

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She will go back and forth between admitting what she is doing is wrong but then going back to doing it anyway. Not sure why people are like that or why they allow their desires for sex to overcome proper judgment but it happens. Could this also indicate some other underlying issues as well?

Going back-and-forth between admitting you were wrong and doing the problem behavior anyway just means you are wrong but talking about it and thinking about it makes you feel better about what it is that you are doing wrong. And has nothing at all to do with mental health if that's what you mean by underlying issues. People with a mental illness are not more prone to cheating.

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I just find it weird to hear about someone allowing another person to cheat on someone by having sex with them but then going cold. Makes me wonder if she either actually really likes him but doesn't want to admit it or just sees him as someone to have sex with.

Again you keep saying “allowing him to cheat.”He is choosing to do this of his own accord and nothing she says or does has anything to do with his decision. I'm not quite sure why you are so concerned about her morals concerning this issue it seems to me you should be more concerned about why she lies to you. You can’t call her a friend if she lies to you. And by your logic you are also a party to this situation by still remaining friends with her knowing she is jeopardizing someone else’s relationship.