I'm going through a weird time when my body thinks that I'm back in the darkness of abuse situation. Nothing happening in my mind or emotions, but my body can't be convinced that I'm not back there. I had to go so far into stress, beyond my limits, that my body won't let go now that it's over.
The past three days have been acknowledging that I can't stop this brain-nervous system reaction and trying to slow down and keep stuff very simple. Stop trying to fix it or escape it, do the mininum and eat what is in the cupboard, and sleep when it's time to sleep.
I try to explain to myself all the ways that now is different from then...
It's really hard to know how now is different when my body is reacting as if still in I am still that situation.
Also I am trying to validate that it was tough for a very long time, and this is my opportunity to heal a little bit more of it.
I wanted to write it in Senior's forum because seems that being older means last chance to let go of the stuck things. Not "look at me I'm suffering" but "I admit that I've been through this z million times already and why doesn't it get easier".
Saidso