I feel like a bit of an imposter here because I have never followed through and SI... but the urge to start is super strong right now. The only reason I don’t is because I know once I start it will be almost impossible to stop. I get urges to SI and SUI thoughts when my anxiety gets high. Just want it to stop, just want someone to see that just because I look OK outside I’m not OK inside. Every day the anxiety starts around 2pm... some times it is short sometimes it goes on until I finally pass out asleep. Today was a normal, just miserable but it will pass, anxiety day then I got a call asking if I could work tomorrow and boom! Over the top. I love my job, they are good people and very supportive. I don’t get to work very many hours because of child care and lack of transportation but I like my job and it almost pays for T.
T and I haven’t talked about SI so I don’t know what he would say/do. It’s been so long I was hoping we wouldn’t have to talk about it.