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piggy momma
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piggy momma loves all pigs. ALL. THE. PIGS.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,073
5 yr Member
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Default Mar 17, 2019 at 09:25 PM
 
And...while I was working today, I realized something.

With my last T, we were super, super close. We emailed constantly. Texted constantly. Like always. If he wasn't with a client, we were actively communicating back and forth. We broke every boundary a T can break with their client (and ultimately he lost his license for it, but not because of me. Apparently I just wasn't the only one).

Anyway....he gave me everything I want in life - affection, attention, caring, time, himself. He made me feel like a human being with value. He gave me hope. From a therapy perspective, he was honestly the best therapist I ever had. He lives at the other end of the country and I flew down once a week to see him. He pushed me like no other therapist ever has, and made progress with me that no other therapist ever has.

It occurred to me today that I have been holding current T to the same standard, and that's not fair. Current T is a different person, with better (but not perfect) boundaries. He does reply to urgent texts and emails (although I stopped emailing him a few weeks ago, because I realized he was drawing judgments without all the facts, and I don't want that, so now I save everything for in session). Anyway, I've been expecting current T to be like former T. And that's not fair.

Kind of like when my American Eskimo died. I loved that dog so much I knew I could not get another because I would always compare the new dog to the old dog, and that wasn't fair to either. So I got a Corgi instead.

I can't hold P to the same standard as I did D. They are different people, not capable of giving me the same thing. P is a therapist only (well, and a prof and a priest)...he will not be a paid friend or texting buddy. I have to remember that.
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Thanks for this!
Anne2.0