update just in case anyone is interested: i just signed the lease for an apartment. havent moved in yet but will within the next few weeks. i'm a little excited but really nervous. i still dont have a job so im just emptying my savings account right now but if i don't do this i will never change, i'll never get away, and my life will never get better. it's really terrifying though but this is the first time in years ive actually been brave enough to put fear aside and change something