Hello StreetcarBlanche,
first I want to say that I really like your profile name and photo! I studied 'A Streetcar Named Desire' many years ago and you brought back a fond memory for me. I thank you for that.
I also thank you for sharing your truth. That is not easy for anyone to do and I think it can be a very valuable part of healing. Well done!
I am so sorry that you have experienced abuse. The examples you provided of previous partners in your life...that was not okay and it was not your fault. You deserved and continue to deserve peace, unconditional love, and safety.
May I ask if you ever spoke with a therapist after your previous relationships...for some support with healing and coping strategies? That has really helped me.
With regard to the man you recently went out with, I think you are wise to move on. I would suggest chalking it up to something you tried which did not work out. Sometimes I think when we endeavor to try to interpret someone else's internal state and motivations, we can burn our energy without finding the peace we desire and deserve. We can never truly know what is in someone else's mind or soul, right? Just as you are the only person who knows your own mind and soul. I can see that you have been deeply hurt in your life and you want to protect yourself. That is natural and understandable. I've been there too!
I am wondering what would bring you a sense of peace and safety. Have you thought about that? I think bringing your thoughts and focus back to you will be a source of strength and power for you. That man wasn't the right partner for you. That's okay. He'll go on and live his life and you'll live yours. I am wondering what may help you to move forward? Perhaps you'd like to talk with a therapist about your most recent date?
I wish you peace. I hope you find what you are seeking in life
(Hope you enjoy this quote)
“What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains.”
― Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire