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Mar 19, 2019 at 09:28 AM

I'm not sure, but it concerns me that you have SIs even on what seem like good days. I wish you were free from such scary thoughts to more fully enjoy good days.

Maybe having a plan is not a good idea, because having one may possibly make it easier to make it happen? I don't know. I rather wish that you would develop a plan to seek help in cases where SIs are particularly strong. Have you talked to your psychiatrist and/or a therapist about this topic? I think they should know. They need to help you with this.

Possible trigger:

One of the saddest things for me to think back on are the signs my youngest nephew showed about a likely "plan", but ones that we didn't really pick up on. It hurts me so much that "if only", or if I "could have" done something for him, his death could have been prevented. I am 100% sure that if he was here today, that his painful feelings of almost two years ago would have passed. I can easily imagine him enjoying the coming spring, taking photos (he loved photography) of the grackles upon their return and the sprouting crocus, and feeling the warmer yet crisp air on his cheeks. But that is not to be. He's gone. Gone forever. Gone. Gone. Gone. Not coming back. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever again. No future chances of wellness. None. This must be clear!