I’m not always actively suicidal but I do struggle with chronic suicidal ideation. It’s part of BPD. I’m a full time student working part time with a mortgage, car payments, and other debt. I can’t afford $250/hr even once a week let alone 2-3x a week. I have to work with what I have and make it work for me. I have spent hours and hours researching and emailing other therapists. There are literally no options for me. It’s not for lack of trying. We actually just talked about this at my session yesterday. For now, I have other people I can lean on for support when the thoughts overwhelm me. If they get really, really bad I have resources (ie supportive friends, crisis line, etc). I’m doing the best I can with what I have.