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aimlesshiker
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Member Since: May 2018
Location: US
Posts: 103
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Default Mar 19, 2019 at 02:06 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I totally understand how it would feel like she is probing a sore spot. But right now, i would feel like it meant somebody cares about me. Because sitting in my messy apartment, it just proves that nobody cares about me, including myself. That probably seems extreme? But i think there is some truth in it. I wish us both the best. Every week i hope this will be the week i clean up.
Yeah, I don't think she she means to be harsh, at least usually. Pests are a problem in this area, too, so I'm sure she's paranoid about that, which I get. However, I'd let her know if it got so messy that there were mice everywhere. She reminds me to put food away and put lids on containers (again, all things I normally do), and perhaps that's just a force of habit or maybe she'd had worse tenants in the past. Anyways, I appreciate you offering that other perspective. I can definitely distort things as the world being out to get me, another result of low self-esteem. (Also, good luck to your tidying endeavors! Maybe you need a little Marie Kondo? It's definitely hard to keep up with, so don't be hard on yourself )

Quote:
Originally Posted by saidso View Post
I'm glad you have a nice house and that you are doing good stuff for yourself like painting!! That's the important thing i.m.o.
Thank you! Trying to spend less time on the computer/tv.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
You say twice she came over and things were messy. What about all the other times? It seems to me that she's a micromanager. And she likes reminding you to do things even when they are done does that sound right to you? If that is the case it might be worth saying to her when she says those things to you and they are done to hear what she says and the. Follow it with “ well yes, good thing they are done now “. Acknowledge what she says while at the same time giving yourself credit for having it done. Does that make sense ?
Yes, that sounds about right, and yes, that makes sense. You always give thoughtful advice, thank you! I tried conveying that in my last email to her, saying I'll be on top of things and even that I made a chore list... hopefully that helps.

Quote:
Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006 View Post
It's only damaging to one's self esteem when you hold the critical person in high enough regard that their opinions and criticisms hold weight.
That's a good point! As I mentioned earlier, I can tend to distort things and assume people are out to criticize or judge me. It's something I've been getting better about, but for some reason this person gets to me. Perhaps I'm worried that she'd get me in trouble with my job, but that'd be pretty extreme of her.
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unaluna