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Originally Posted by MrBrains
Hello, I'm new here and I'm searching everywhere for good advice. I'm been divorced 1 year. I have a new GF who is very neurotic. Everyday she thinks I'm going to leave her for someone better. I want to have a long future with her, but I'm afraid she will this never get better. Any advice on what I can do to make this work out for the long term would be helpful. Thanks.
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Hello Mr.Brains. Good post. Thanks for sharing. Sorry you and your girlfriend are in this tough situation. Honestly, she does not sound like she is in the right place to be having a close relationship with you right now. Stability is an important foundation for any relationship. You cannot make another person stable or secure. Individuals need to address their self-esteem issues and insecurity independently prior to a serious relationship with someone else. She is essentially projecting her insecurity onto you. If she were just needing some gentle reassurance or affirmation from time to time (nothing wrong with that) it would not be a problem. However, you say this is a daily occurrence. I don't think you endeavoring to make her more secure, or her looking to you for all of her security, will be the path to peace for either of you. I recommend that you take a step back and think about yourself and your needs. A relationship should enhance your life. Same for her. Is her life being enhanced by not addressing her insecurity and projecting it onto you each day?
"I'm fine with not texting or talking to other women, but she watching every woman to see if I look in their direction. I would like to make her more comfortable with me, it just seems impossible sometimes."
Your instinct is valid here. This level of insecurity could devolve into emotional abuse whereby you are punished for her negative thoughts about herself. I'm not saying she is currently doing that. But very insecure partners are often very jealous as you indicated above. That is not the path to peace for either of you.
I don't know if you mentioned talking with a therapist. If you do, I recommend first going alone and talking through your side of things. Remember that you cannot make another person secure within themselves because you cannot delete their thoughts. They need to work on managing those thoughts themselves or with strategies from a therapist. A boyfriend or girlfriend should not be in the role of therapist. That is a very different role.
I wish you and your girlfriend peace and hope.