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Old 03-19-2019, 02:42 PM
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StreetcarBlanche StreetcarBlanche is offline
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StreetcarBlanche I don't want realism. I want magic.
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: U.S.
Posts: 401

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Default Re: Narcissist encounter

Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
There has been a lot of focus placed on "narcissists" because of things Trump does and we all know he is constantly talked about and there certainly has been a lot of effort to label him.

That being said, it's important to keep in mind that EVERYONE has some narcissism and that narcissism is on a spectrum so people can exhibit some "traits" or characteristics that are described in the "label" when you read about it but it doesn't qualify that individual as a person with NPD.

It's better to focus on recognizing the red flags someone presents to you that reflect that person will not be a good match for you. From what you have shared, this guy is just not a good fit for you and just write him off and move on. This guy is probably not very skilled when it comes to relationships. Often a person will brag because it's their own way of trying to look important or worthy, it doesn't always mean that person had NPD.
Just saying.
I never diagnosed him as someone with the disorder. But I did find through my own research on narcissism, that his words and actions fit several traits of someone with narcissistic personality. Funny how you and everyone in my thread has ignored that specific post from me, on my first page here, where I directly link narcissistic traits with the actual situation I experienced with him.

For context, here is my response on the 1st page of this thread:

1. His lack of responsibility and blaming and deflecting

Narcissists don't want to be responsible for the consequences of their actions if the outcome doesn't go their way.

He wanted me to give him nonstop flirty attention online, responding to his flirty messages knowing that it was not headed towards anything offline that would be romantic. When I told him that his constant messaging me, sent me mixed signals, he tried to deflect by telling me "that doesn't bother my friends" instead of seeing it from my POV, that his flirting with me online after telling me that he doesn't want to date me, is manipulative. If someone tells you they aren't interested in dating you, then they shouldn't send you flirty messages all the time.

2. Lack of Boundaries

Narcissists don't draw clear boundaries with themselves and the people they interact with. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Narcissists don't like to be told no, and they don't like boundaries b/c that requires them to be responsible for their actions.

Like I said, if he didn't want to date me, then why kiss me, why call me a pet name via text message but not answer my phone call or return my phone call? Why send me all of those flirty social media messages that confused me regarding what he wants from me: friendship or just attention?

When I blocked him on social media he texted me asking if he could 'fix it' and when I said no, he called me from an unknown number. We talked and I thought he would be able to empathize with me and see the situation not just from his POV but also from my POV; he either chose not to, or is not capable. He kept blaming and shaming me, instead of just admitting why he was sending me those mixed messages with his social media messages and what he said to me on the phone.

3. Narcissists lack empathy.

When I told him how his mixed messages confused me about my role in his life, instead of taking responsibility for misleading me and empathizing with me because of how some men have mistreated me in the past, he expected me to think and feel about his actions the same way HE feels about his actions: that he did NOTHING WRONG by flirting with me on social media b/c of the one conversation we had to clear up why he kissed me on the cheek and got physically flirty with me in person, if he didn't want to date me or wasn't attracted to me. Then why did he lead me on?

4. Emotional Reasoning

If you try to use logic and reason with a narcissist, it won't work because the narcissist is only aware of his own feelings, not the feelings of others.

Like I said before, trying to explain to him how his actions and words didn't match up and confused and mislead me, was like talking to a brick wall b/c the result of that last conversation on the phone was that he was mad at me for misunderstanding his actions, instead of trying to see HOW his actions could confuse and mislead me. He refused to see the situation from my POV at all. It was all about how I was wrong and he was correct.

5. An inability to communicate/work as part of a team/couple

He supposedly has thousands of friends all over the world, yet here I am, one person, and I'm the ONLY ONE who misjudged him out of all of those people, because I'm the one who is wrong.

That just doesn't make any sense to me, how I can be 100% wrong about the way I interpreted his words to me in person and on the phone vs. his actions on social media.

I included a link to further explain why I created this thread to begin with. I truly believe this guy has some traits of narcissism.

14 Signs Someone Is A Narcissist

Open Eyes, why are you are making excuses for him, when you write, "This guy is probably not very skilled when it comes to relationships. Often a person will brag because it's their own way of trying to look important or worthy, it doesn't always mean that person had NPD." So, you're making excuses for him, and highlighting me as the one who's overreacted here, correct? Well, you couldn't be more wrong. I mean, seriously?

And don't even bring politics into my thread b/c that's not what I posted about.
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