Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso2632
Maybe this is the right spot.. it is primarily about my relationship with notes of other things.. maybe my brain trying to make a bigger mess than necessary..
So my boyfriend drinks beer, a lot of beer, every day after work and on his days off. Most of the time it's tolerable but sometimes he gets stupid drunk.. it used to be way worse, verbaly/mentaly/emotianally abusive kinda.. but we have worked through the awfulness I think and he's pretty much toned it down.
The thing is I go into Wal-Mart to accept a job offer on Monday and I'm pretty certain my hours are gonna be 4am to 1pm. I think full time. My boyfriend is open availability so his shifts are all over.. anyway if my hours are what I said I'm gonna have to be in bed at like 6-7 in the evening to get up at 2am to have coffee and get ready for work.
I'm worried he's going to keep me up with his drinking and whatever and I'm not going to get the rest I need. Ugh
Forgive me all of this is totally unfounded. It's my worried brain like I said.. but my hunches are usually pretty good..
I'm also worried I'm gonna get stuck paying for a majority of everything.. and that feels like a huge disappointment. I haven't had any spending money in ages. And he's been buying himself what have you.. while acting put out about my Pepsi habit.
I guess I'm just afraid of what kind of an unfair ***** storm this could turn into. He's already voiced some dissatisfaction that I want a real cell plan cause I want a nice phone not a crap Wal-Mart phone.. I've been using a flip phone for years while he's had a smartphone. And his mom's been footing the bill till recently.. mine is a government phone and I'm sorry but if I'm working full time I can afford to upgrade with a decent phone on a payment plan.. I dunno. Maybe it's just difference in opinions. He thinks cheap works just as well. I say you get what you pay for.. I just don't want to have to fight over MY paycheck. I haven't been telling him how to spend his.. yeah I complain about the beer, but it's cause it's an issue, and he keeps saying he wants to be done with it. Ugh!!
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your concerns aren't entirely unfounded. here's what I see:
1. your bf drinks, it seems, excessively and though not recently, can get very drunk some nights. So with that in mind and that you have to be sleeping by early evening, it's a valid concern and not baseless. You know how he gets when he gets drunk, so you know how loud or disruptive he can be. It's something to address for sure.
2. Being stuck paying for everything: He has a job and is perfectly fine with his own spending on self but is cheap when it comes to you. I'm sorry but I'm going to be blunt here. That is not how a good partner in a relationship is. A loving partner will ideally think of the other person in the relationship in every way possible including spending. Obviously that's the ideal but not many are perfect in this way but he is 100% polar opposite of that. the fact that he has a problem with your pepsi habit kind of speaks volumes even though you haven't elaborated. A caring partner's goal is to
care for their spouse, partner, etc.
3. Phone issue: this to me further solidifies the idea that he's not very caring in regards to you. That he says "a flip phone" is good enough with regards to your use and needs, but carries a smart phone shows he's completely selfish and on top of that a hypocrite.
I see many reasons for your concerns and in fact I'm not even sure this is a good relationship to remain in. AS it is, he was fine and somewhat acceptable while you depend on him and he is not in competition with your having your own means and finances, but I honestly foresee this changing with you working a full time job. Even if you only make the same as him, I can see it changing because he won't have you under his thumb and control. if you make more that's going to make things even worse imo. He is likely a controlling and dominating person that's only subdued right now because he actually does have control of you due to the situation you have been in. But your independence is going to jeopardize that, most likely.
I may and hope to God I am wrong on all accounts but this is how I see things as you've described.