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Old 03-20-2019, 01:44 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 280

1 yr Member
Default Re: internalized homophobia

Quote:
Originally Posted by whimsicalman View Post

Why do you think you have trouble with the women's "cliques"? Might you be making assumptions about how welcoming or not they may be? I ask because I sometimes finding myself in LGBT groups and gravitating toward the women for much of the same fears you seem to be expressing (e.g. "They won't find me attractive enough to welcome me into their conversation," "The girls are just nicer and easier to talk to," "I have nothing in common with those guys and can't contribute anything," etc.). I often need to remind myself that I am sabotaging myself with the negative self-talk. For me, I just have to force myself to at least try . . . and then keep trying, if I immediately continue the negative self-talk with things like, "That didn't go well, so that proves my earlier thoughts."



I am not sure if I was reading your story correctly in that your previous bad sexual experiences have been with men. Have you had any positive experiences with women? Or any at all? I only ask because I believe that the experiences you referred to might not even factor into experiences with women, as they would have a much better understanding of a female body and appropriate pleasure-giving. And many might be much more understanding of hesitancies you mihgt have.
I just don't really have anything in common with women, other than shared body parts. I mean, other than acknowledging that I do in fact have female body parts, I'm not comfortable identifying as a "woman" although I do anyway because that's what is expected. My body naturally produces significantly more male hormones than usual or at least has in the past (no idea if I have internal male organs or not or if I'm intersexed in any way). I have trouble understanding female perspective because that's NOT how I think. I tend to have a male mind, maybe even a more male personality? I'm not completely masculine in a traditional sense, but still... And most queer women I know about around here are hardcore feminists. Which makes sense, but it's just awkward for me because of gender identity. I'm also not comfortable with using different pronouns or a preferred name, so I have an additional disadvantage...everyone is so SUPER confident in their gender identity etc., why the hell would they want me around? I don't like overly confident people, they're all bullies.

And my only sexual experience has been with men. At best it's boring or only about the other person's pleasure or they get off too soon and I only get to experience pleasure for a few seconds. At worst it's painful and humiliating (not in a good way). It's all about what they want and never being comfortable with anything I would enjoy (and it's basic stuff that isn't that out there!). It seems like straight men are so terrified of being gay that they demand to be tops all the time...and I'm not really a bottom, so it's frustrating.

Back to queer women though, they're either married or seem to be really uncomfortable around me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
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