Thanks for sharing your concern. I hope you can find it within yourself not to hate being here on PC too much. There's no "standard" one needs to meet in order to qualify to be here. And I think if you took a poll you'd find a lot of us are here because we have no one else to talk to.

I'm sorry I don't think there is a lot I can offer with regard the concern you raise here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. I do know that, in my own case, I have become involved in things on-line that would be quite out of character for me in real life. I think there is a subtle addictive quality about the internet. It allows one to express or perhaps explore (sometimes deeply) hidden parts of one's psyche that one would never express in real life. So perhaps the things you mentioned in your post are simply aspects of your persona that the internet has made it possible for you to bring forth where, did the internet not exist, you would have just kept them hidden? I don't know. I'm just speculating here.

I don't know how old you are. You mentioned you're in a constant state of sexual frustration. It is possible for a person's sex drive to lead them down all sorts of pathways they might otherwise choose not to go down. The news is continuously filled with reports regarding people who did things that, looking back, they wish they had never done but were driven to by their own sex drives. I do think it is most unfortunate your mother took the action she did. You don't need punishment in this situation. You need understanding & support (a good reason to be here on PC I might add.)

I don't know if you see a therapist. But, if you do, perhaps all of this is something that would be good to discuss in therapy? It sounds to me as though you're simply trying to find ways to accommodate the sexual frustration you're feeling. This is something we all go through to one degree or another unless a person happens to be one of the few people who experience no significant sex drive. (To me that sounds as though it would be a pretty good way to live. But I suppose it presents its own problems.)

Anyway... these are my thoughts with regard to your post. Hopefully there will be other members who will have some more insightful thoughts they can share. My best wishes to you...