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Old 03-20-2019, 03:58 PM
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Default Re: internalized homophobia

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
There is a non-binary/transgender group where I live, but when I attended in the past, I didn't feel trans+ enough. Everyone in non-binary category past as androgynous. I have a very effeminate face and a large chest so even with short hair and neutral/more masculine clothes I don't think I even pass as queer let alone masculine. I also don't fit in because I'm not planning on medically transitioning any time soon and maybe never and I shouldn't have to in order to at least have people close to me see me for who I am, but maybe I do. So, I'm basically a fraud and certainly don't belong in a trans+ group.
I attended a queer event in which there were trans boys in attendance who, in no way, passed as biologically male. They even wore dresses! So believe me when I tell you that, if you idnetify as trans/non-binary, there is no single way to present. Almost any queer scholar worth their queer theory will tell you the same thing. If you are still questioning, then be encouraged in this. And there are many trans people who choose not to physically transition or who just partially transition. That is fine too.
Quote:
As for attraction, I'm pretty attracted to androgyny regardless of body parts. With women, I'm much more likely to be attracted to physical aspects before even getting to know them that well and with men, the only time pure physical attraction happens is when the guy looks like I would like if I were a guy or I'd simply like to be that guy. Otherwise, I develop feelings for men when they do something nice for me and/or interact with me. Then I usually try to imagine sex with them or do something to make the attraction more sexual. I apparently have a pretty high sex drive even though I try to ignore it so I can get through my days without too much distraction, so if men are the only option to take care of it then I have to make it work. I think I did become sexually attracted to my last male partner, but I don't think I could usually get as aroused as I could with porn, but I thought that was normal.
ETA: I'm also not really interested in foreplay, especially with a man. I mean, I'll give (no problem with that) but I don't want to receive. Don't see a point. I much rather sex just be intercourse and call it good so no one's wasting any time. I should be any guy's dream! They can exert exactly zero effort instead of "trying" to do something for me. I might be more open to receiving with a woman simply because it hasn't been ruined for me yet, but then again, I still fail to see the point. No matter what anyone does, I'm never going to orgasm and I see no point if it's impossible. I'll just go watch porn and take care of it myself and not become frustrated and resentful towards the other person.
You may be bisexual, but it definitely sounds as if you lean much farther toward women. It also sounds as if something is keeping you from exploring that more. I really encourage you to take chances to explore that. But, as I am not bi or into women at all, I can't really suggest what might work for you. You need to talk to some lesbians or bi women. This might be something you can bring up at a meetup. I can totally see, "I'd like to talk about sex a bit, if we may" being a great conversation starter for a small group. Just find any lesbian social group, even something like a book club. The point isn't to get laid or find a date, but to simply interact with other women-interested-in-women. They are your greatest resource.

I am curious about why it would be impossible for you to orgasm with another woman if you haven't tried, unless you have a medical condition or medication-related sexual dysfunction. Again, a woman knows another woman's body better than any man will. I would revisit the online hookup thing. One can create a profile that does not provide definitive identifiers, if you are concerned about work. People in all industries do it all the time. Some sites don't even require an actual profile, other than setting up an account with a username. You can leave all the other stuff blank.
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