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Old 03-20-2019, 04:56 PM
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Skull&Crossbones Skull&Crossbones is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2018
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Skull&Crossbones Skull&Crossbones is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 280

1 yr Member
Default Re: internalized homophobia

Quote:
Originally Posted by whimsicalman View Post

I attended a queer event in which there were trans boys in attendance who, in no way, passed as biologically male. They even wore dresses! So believe me when I tell you that, if you idnetify as trans/non-binary, there is no single way to present. Almost any queer scholar worth their queer theory will tell you the same thing. If you are still questioning, then be encouraged in this. And there are many trans people who choose not to physically transition or who just partially transition. That is fine too.You may be bisexual, but it definitely sounds as if you lean much farther toward women. It also sounds as if something is keeping you from exploring that more. I really encourage you to take chances to explore that. But, as I am not bi or into women at all, I can't really suggest what might work for you. You need to talk to some lesbians or bi women. This might be something you can bring up at a meetup. I can totally see, "I'd like to talk about sex a bit, if we may" being a great conversation starter for a small group. Just find any lesbian social group, even something like a book club. The point isn't to get laid or find a date, but to simply interact with other women-interested-in-women. They are your greatest resource.

I am curious about why it would be impossible for you to orgasm with another woman if you haven't tried, unless you have a medical condition or medication-related sexual dysfunction. Again, a woman knows another woman's body better than any man will. I would revisit the online hookup thing. One can create a profile that does not provide definitive identifiers, if you are concerned about work. People in all industries do it all the time. Some sites don't even require an actual profile, other than setting up an account with a username. You can leave all the other stuff blank.

I never felt comfortable or accepted in the trans+ group and even online no talks about anything other than T and top surgery so obviously I would be a freak and a pariah. So it's just not a thing I will acknowledge much outside of therapy.

And doesn't one need to feel safe and comfortable to have any chance of orgasm? With a stranger, I would absolutely not discuss what I like nor would I be able to have sex sober. I would be too nervous and would not feel remotely safe or comfortable. This is why I don't do hook-ups, period. It'll just solidify that I hate sex. I do NOT want a person I don't know very well touching me.

And I have tried to hook-up with girls in the past...it didn't work out. Also doesn't help that the ones worth dating are all straight or in relationships. Asking about sex in that manner in an LGBT group will have me kicked out. I can't ask about how to find a date because they have no issue with it and will proceed to make me feel bad about being the loser I am. Even when I used online dating with a picture even I didn't get any hits. Men are just the only option unfortunately so I need to just find one I can maybe trust enough to attempt having sex with someday. If you haven't seen it, I did make another thread about starting to get feelings for a guy and I'm not sure what to do about it. I do know to absolutely not make the first move with a guy because that just makes them mad/upset so I'm too afraid to even add him on Facebook or anything.
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